WE REALIZE YOUR TIME IS PRECIOUS.
WE KNOW YOU'VE GOT A LAUNDRY LIST OF THINGS TO DO, LOOMING OVER YOUR DELICATE, LITTLE HEAD.
PLUS, YOUR FAVORITE REALITY TELEVISION SHOW IS ABOUT TO COME ON.
SO PLEASE, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME HERE. THIS PLACE IS NOT FOR YOU.
HOWEVER, IF YOU ARE SECRETLY SEARCHING FOR THE PECULIAR, THE STRANGE AND MARVELOUS, OR EVEN THE OUTLANDISHLY BIZARRE, THEN MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YOU MIGHT WANT TO STICK AROUND.
BUT, BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THREE-EYED MONSTERS SERVING EYEBALL-FLAVORED ICE CREAM, OR TENUOUS TREES THAT GROW FEET FOR LEAVES?
HOW ABOUT FRENCH OCTOPUS TROLLOPS, OR CIGAR-SMOKING CATS IN FANCY PHOTO SHOOTS? SURELY, ZESTY CHICAGO-STYLE HOT DOGS MADE OUT OF DISAPPEARING HOTEL GUESTS WILL TURN YOU AWAY?!
NO?
WELL THEN, BY ALL MEANS, PLEASE STAY.
THIS IS, INDEED, WHAT YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR, AFTER ALL.
WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF DONNY SMUTZ!
